#metoomyguru

Dear Hope,

I have taken countless yoga classes in the past 15 years and there have been a couple of times my instructors touched my breasts and genitals or aligned their bodies against mine and kind of squeezed or rubbed me, like a "dry hump." I saw that they were adjusting the men in a similar way, but without grabbing their junk or rubbing against them. 

I'm an instructor now and I would never dream of touching any of my male or female students without their permission, and while I admit sometimes it happens by accident and I have had to apologize for some awkward moments, I have yet to make an adjustment that actually required I put my hand directly and intentionally on the money spots or "dry hump" them into position. 

Karen Rain with accused yogi Phattabi Jois

I had a girlfriend that ended up in a romantic relationship with one of our teachers who had gotten in good with a couple of celebrities and a major sports team. She was convinced that she was "the one" but he was sleeping with everyone - after she got two STIs from him she finally realized that she wasn't special, just an easy target. He got charged with sexual assault about 12 years ago and their studio got shut down.

These things happened years ago, and I don't want to destroy anyone's career over it, but some of these guys are still teaching. I've been seeing lots of stories floating around about this being a problem in the community, and I don't understand why. I feel like I should say something, to someone.

Sincerely, 

I Got Groped By My Guru, Too

Dear IGGBMGT

Thank you for sharing your story. First let me say that there's no free advertising for individuals or groups that are potentially harmful and haven't yet been publicly identified, so all identifying details have been removed. Also, to protect your anonymity, I've assigned an acronym that no one can pronounce to replace your name.

In October of 2016, Yoga Journal released 10 stories of yogis who shared their #metoo stories; last week, Instagram's @yoga_girl Rachel Brathen asked for #metoo stories from within the community and it has blown up - she had over 300 stories collected in a matter of days. Because of the overwhelming response, she had to contact a lawyer to get advice before she knew what to do with the information she had been entrusted with - names, dates, locations, and damning, undeniable details spanning several years and several states. None of this is surprising - inappropriate yogi touching is such a prevalent trend that movies use it for comic relief. Behold, the scene from Couples Retreat that pokes fun at the well-established pattern of knowing winks from instructors who are taking advantage of their pupils:

Gurus have gotten a pretty easy ride thus far, but with the momentum of #metoo it's likely that the gurus will need to start knitting as they are going to need a lot more fleece to keep pulling the wool over everyone's eyes.

PREVALENCE OF INSTITUTIONALIZED ABUSE OF STUDENTS BY GURUS
Sadly, there is a long and established tradition of spiritual gurus taking advantage of their status as experts, claiming magical knowledge and mystical superpowers as a means of not just engaging in frotteurism but coercing students into having sex with them. Having a brand or books or youtube channel to back someone up doesn't make them "legit" either - in most cases it merely lends itself to elevating the celebrity status of the instructor and putting them in a more advantageous position.

The recent #metoo uprising is actually late to the game in the yoga community. A full year before Weinstein got outed, the yoga community was hit hard in 2016 with news that Bikram Yoga founder Bikram Choudury's conviction of rape and wrongful dismissal was upheld and an award of $7M was handed out. More yogis and gurus are here, including allegations against Pattabhi Jois (#metoo 2017) that date back to the 1980s, which makes you wonder, how did it remain quiet for so many decades?

It isn't just yogis though. It is gurus from all walks of life, with perhaps the largest profile of institutionalized and protected sexual assaults resting with priests in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church's concealment of abusers in Boston are a prime example of why abuse stays hidden, especially when the larger community rallies around the perpetrator. Replace "priest" in this trailer with "new age spiritual leader" or "yogi" or "business coach" and you'll get the picture.

For journalists, academics, and even fellow community members who just wanted to STOP the abuse, it is not as simple as just breaking the news story - there were layers of protection around the perpetrators. In the same way, the Church of Scientology doesn't just protect its own, but has an active clause in their doctrine to engage in activities such as character assassination and vexatious litigation under the "fair game" clause, a tactic that some gurus have also attempted to employ to discredit, bankrupt, and railroad any claims against them - they send out word to their community that someone is making up vicious lies and their obedient sheep simply go and bleat whatever they've been told to, re-traumatizing victims and terrorizing them into silence. These sexual predators rightfully fear the #metoo movement and attempt to discount it as "mob" mentality or a "witch hunt" because they sense the gravy train coming to an end.

BUT IS THE SEXUAL CONTACT REALLY THAT BAD?
Defining sexual assault can be tough, especially when the target feels responsible for attracting it to themselves. Some have tried to plot the degree of abuse on a spectrum. Tim Feldman summarized the allegations against Jois as:

1. Jois never touched my private parts.
2. Jois touched many places on my body, inclusive of my private parts. I never felt any touch was inappropriate.
3. Jois touched many places on my body, inclusive of my private parts. It was instrumental in healing my illnesses.
4. Jois touched me on my private parts and it felt inappropriate. It stopped after I made him aware of my disapproval.
5. Jois touched me on my private parts and it felt/still feels traumatizing.

By this measurement, as much as it tries to make it sound like *some* parts of teacher-genital contact are kinda maybe OK, anything that falls in 2 to 5 is definitely NOT OK. The grey area between 2 and 3 being OK depends on a few factors, not the least of which is whether or not informed consent was a) obtained beforehand b) for each occurrence c) without grooming. 4 and 5 though? Straight up assault. Period. Every. Fucking. Time. Do you seriously have to ask someone to not touch your genitals while you are in the middle of yoga for them to realize it's NOT OK?

WHY NO ONE SPEAKS UP
There is a particularly twisted aspect to abuse by holistic and spirituality-based health experts rooted in the fact the people being abused are often made to feel "special" for receiving the extra attention, especially when the guru is a "celebrity" in their community with lots of books or videos published or a well-known "brand." All it takes is, "I see something in you..." and suddenly their teacher is on top of them, claiming to be their long lost soulmate. The victim often feels conflicted about what happened to them and believes it was voluntary because they succumbed to the predator's advances, and sometimes the allow the relationship to continue for months or even years.

This little video goes into it in great detail about consent, but if a 12-year old child has been groomed well enough that they do not feel they were abused by a 40-year old predator, we would never for a second say that the child was consenting. There are those who rally around any person they believe couldn't possibly be guilty because they were never targeted or saw it happen.  They openly defend the accused or the program, pretending that the sin and sinner can be separated. They refuse to see that the sin, the sinner, and the means of access are like the holy trinity for predatory sexual behaviour. and the only way to stop the abuse from happening it to a) remove the shepherd or b) remove the flock.

Few people ever come forward and make an allegation. Like IGGBMGT, people feel like they are ruining someone's life by not speaking out. Further, because the value placed on the practice or the expertise of the guru is placed above the individual, complaints are buried or ignored until and unless someone is charged with criminal conduct. As previously mentioned, part of this lays in the fact that the community regulates itself, leaving no external agency or authority to review and set best practices. Unlike Denmark where teacher-student relationships are flat-out illegal, there are no laws other than "sexual assault" to address the matter. This leaves consumers with few if any options.

I WAS ASKING FOR IT
When you sign up for a yoga class, you should expect to get touched, right?

WRONG.

Even with the prevalence of sexual liberation eschewed by many amoungst the new age spiritual movement, there should be no expectation that everyone is so liberated they can and will allow sexual contact much less have sex with anyone and everyone. Wearing yoga pants and bending into a pretzel with the genitals easily accessible should not be considered an invitation to touching any more than someone dancing with wild abandon wearing nothing but leather hot pants and fur booties wants their breasts groped. Their bodies are their own and even promiscuous people are still very picky about their partners.

Whether you signed up for a basketweaving class or hired someone for a sensual massage, the person providing those services never has any right to cross boundaries, ever. The long and the short of it is that when a person in a position of power uses this to their advantage to initiate and maintain a sexual relationship with subordinates or students, it is coercion and therefore fails to qualify as ongoing voluntary consent. In cases where physical contact may be a legitimate part of therapy - such as for people working through rape or trauma, anxiety, or sexual dysfunction - the sexual contact itself is scripted and contracted, not something that happens spontaneously in the middle of the session or carries on outside of class.

Predatory sexual behaviour by a guru or spiritual leader is an abuse of trust, no less heinous than psychiatrists and psychologists who do the same thing to the vulnerable people coming to them to seek healing. If you did not go to the basketweaving, yoga, or sexual health session to start a relationship with the teacher, then there is a failure on the part of the teacher to use informed consent, respect boundaries, and act like a decent human being.

I'M NOT READY TO GO PUBLIC WITH #METOO YET
The reluctance to come forward is huge. Sexual assault charges are often dropped within this community simply because the victim is afraid to "ruin" the perpetrator's life or hurt their friends.  They actually feel sorry for these people and fail to recognize that love and forgiveness will not stop them any more than it did the Catholic priests. Bar none, the ONLY way to stop the abuse from happening is to stop sexual predators from having access to victims which means 1) get the perpetrator removed (file a legal charge or claim and have them put behind bars) or 2) get the victims to stop walking into the shepherd's fold by placing a giant sign out front that says:

Not knowing if you will come forward is OK. Don't feel guilty for taking care of your own thoughts and feelings. There are lots of reasons a person might choose to stay on the down low, especially while processing what has transpired. When the lines are blurred and you're unsure if the contact was inappropriate, you may need to determine if you've been violated or not, and if you wish to proceed with criminal charges. It's especially confusing when the lines have been blurred for a prolonged period - being caught in a long-term relationship that started with coercive sex and was maintained in secrecy - you may be accused of just being a jilted lover. If you are not going to move forward with criminal charges, you get into the same murky waters as someone who isn't sure if they want to label their guru a cult leader - you could be accused of libel and end up paying thousands of dollars in court and legal fees.

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
If we choose to look at it as a customer service issue, there are other avenues you can use to discourage people from signing up. Facebook and other pages run by the company or individual itself will be difficult to use as the owners can delete your comments, but you may have other options that they cannot mute. For example, if they have written a book that is sold on Amazon or Indigo or their company has listings with Groupon, Google or Yahoo cites, you can leave reviews that are moderated by the site not the company. These external sites do not have any need to suppress negative reviews so you are more likely to be heard that way. In order to avoid making an allegation of sexual assault an risking getting slapped with a libel suit, you can simply say that "the instruction was aggressive, the adjustments involved excessive and unnecessary physical contact, and I felt violated and agitated instead of relaxed when I left." Others who "get' what you are saying will read between the lines and hopefully follow suit.

AND THEN?
In a utopian world, the sexual misconduct stops because the perpetrator has a change of heart, but often it just makes them get more clever at hiding it. It's only when the information goes fully public that the flood of stories comes and the perpetrator is made known. Even in the absence of criminal charges, this is enough warning for most to proceed with caution. Otherwise, by remaining silent we perpetuate an atmosphere of tolerance where predatory sexual behaviour can continue indefinitely.

In an upcoming blog post, I will discuss options for going to the media, but the next post will be about something a little different. In researching sexual assault claims against Bikram Choudhury, I came across an interesting note at the bottom of one of the articles stating that he had been denied copyright of his yoga moves, so tune in next time for an interesting look at what you can and cannot claim as intellectual property, and why.

If you have a story you'd like to share or have a question for me, please email me at inshepherdsclothing @ gmail.com (no spaces) or get in touch using the contact form just added on this site!